Flurry O' Fury

Friday, September 02, 2005

I’d like to welcome all of the New Orleans evacuees to Texas and offer them a few guidelines for our fair state:

First of all, don’t try to shove forward in line, because there’s enough room for everyone. This is Texas, and room is what we specialize in.

Being from Louisiana, you may be wondering where we’re hiding all of our liquor. We don’t sell it in supermarkets, convenience stores, and drive-throughs like you do. Instead, we keep all of our hard booze in “liquor stores”, next to our beef jerky.

If any of you are interesting in staying here on a permanent basis, you’re welcome to apply for Texas citizenship. All you need to show is proof of ownership of (1) a pickup truck, (2) a dawg, and (3) a shotgun. If you do not have those items, the requirements can still be waived with a letter of recommendation from Nolan Ryan.

Please try to fit in with our other immigrants by learning to speak Spanish and working for less than minimum wage. Remember, they were here first, so play nice.

And above all else, please refrain from looting. Never forget that this is Texas, so we’re all packing.

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