Flurry O' Fury

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

So Rebecca was cleaning out her closet and she came close to throwing out a pair of headphones. A perfectly good pair of headphones! Sure, they’re cheap, and they came with an even cheaper mp3 player that broke long ago, but I’ll be damned if we just throw them away. No, they go into The Box.

The Box: My repository for all miscellaneous items that incorporate wiring and/or circuitry of some kind. My graveyard of gadgets past. My cardboard container o’ crap. Stuff I refuse to throw away.

See, I have this theory. One day, someday, the world will come to an end. It could be a global plague, an asteroid strike, or space martians stealing our women - whatever. The point is that society will collapse and we’ll have to rebuild it – and that’s where The Box comes in.

Within The Box are the raw materials we’ll need to reconstruct our technological base. I know that wiring, circuitry, and other hardware will be in short supply in the aftermath of the apocalypse, so I figure that it’s every man’s duty to keep a stockpile of those items handy so we can recreate our electronic infrastructure. The alternative to taking such precautions is to be ruled by apes, which I cannot abide by. As such, the headphones go into The Box, where they are joined by:

Audio and video cable
Remote controls for long gone devices
More headphones
AC adapters, cigarette adapters, audio adapters, and various other adapters that… well, that didn’t adapt
External hard drives, probably filed with porn
Phone wire
Car CD changer, still holding two Pink Floyd discs, some electronica, and the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack
USB hubs, USB cable, some FireWire crap that came with our iPods
Several copies of Windows ’98 (which was a very good year for Windows)
Some more headphones
Handcuffs from two girlfriends ago
Cable television splitter, phone splitter, audio splitters
Extension cord from three girlfriends ago
Mice (computer mice, I mean)
Video tapes, probably filed with porn
Jack O’ Lantern light
Did I mention headphones?
And a useless #$%*ing DSL modem that I threw at the #$%*ing wall because it wouldn’t #$%*ing work anymore

Anyway, even if the world doesn’t end per se, I could always use this stuff to build a doomsday device of some sort. Rebecca refers to that as a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, but I prefer the term “100% guarantee”.


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