Flurry O' Fury

Monday, June 27, 2005

We got new cell phones! The new ones are much like the old ones, though, being middle-of-the-line Motos. But the newer models do have several improvements, including better ringtones.

It used to be that our rings sounded like synthesized muzak versions of tunes, like an elevator ride. But with the new phones, callers are announced with clips from the original songs.

I can’t tell you what a tremendous difference this has made in our lives. After all, one’s ringtone is a personal statement. A poor ring can be devastating to the self-esteem, but a fantastic ring tells the world just how fabulous you are.

For example, a woman in line with me at Walgreens the other day received a call to the tune of Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up”. Suffice to say, I was embarrassed for her. How she did not die of shame at that very moment is beyond me. I must say that putting her out of her misery did cross my mind.

On the other end of the spectrum, a fellow sitting next to us during “Batman Begins” took a call that began with a few bars from Underworld’s “Born Slippy”. Such excellent taste in a ringtone shows sophistication that you wouldn’t ordinarily expect from a thoughtless twit like him. Actually, my admiration for his ring almost stopped me from pelting him with popcorn. And had his phone played something truly exceptional, perhaps some Biz Markie, I might have refrained entirely from soiling him with my greasy kernels. That is the power of a great ringtone, my friends.

By the way, Rebecca decided to go with “Blister In The Sun” by the Violent Femmes for her ring, and I have selected Muddy Waters’ “Mannish Boy” as my phone theme. I think my phone will sound great… assuming anyone ever calls me.

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