Flurry O' Fury

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I’m planning on shopping for a new cell phone during lunch today. My old cell phone has developed a short in its display, possibly due to radiation exposure while I was in Utah. I attended a bachelor party there which was held in a bar that was hidden in a warehouse on a military/industrial disposal site. Apparently Mormons aren’t fond of alcohol and, as such, only tolerate taverns when they’re located in a forbidden zone wasteland, where zombies are your bartenders and mutants dance on tables. Overall, it was a really fun evening, but now my phone is scrambled. Oh, and I can’t have children.

But the phone is the real problem. With the display all #$%*ed up I can’t see who’s calling me anymore, which is bad because there are a lot of people I don’t want to talk to – mostly family.

So I need a new ring, but not with too much bling. I don’t need a phone that plays games or videos or anything. All it needs to do is make calls, take calls, store numbers, and play the Rump Shaker whenever my wife rings me. It would also be good if it has a breathalyzer built in, but that’s not really necessary. I’ll let you know what I find.

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